Silent Night, Deadly Night
Tonight: Jam Cellar's DJ Extravaganza!
This week, the dance floor will be soaked with blood. This is because a battle of epic proportions will take place, between five of Jam Cellar's regular DJs; Aba, Allen, Jerry, Luke, and Mike! You don't want to miss this great night of dancing and/or carnage.
Tonight: "Slips and Hips" November series Final week!
Doll up your dancing with slides and hip movements. For Intermediate/Advanced Lindy Hoppers. Drop-ins welcome.
Clean-up Volunteers needed!
For just fifteen minutes of moderate cardiovascular labor at the end of Jam Cellar, you can receive free admission as well as the love and affection of the Jam Cellar Organization staff, the admiration of all your peers, and an increased prowess among the opposite/same sex. If interested in helping out tonight, email huh@thejamcellar.com.
Boilermaker Holiday Dance! Dec. 22
When making your holiday plans this year, you might want to stick around till Wednesday morning because the Boilermaker Jazz Band will be playing a special holiday show in our very own Jam Cellar. Your sketchy Uncle Jerry will even be there, giving his dance clip presentation. $10 Admission.
December Tuesday Night Classes Announced
Dec. 1- Solo Charleston w/ Naomi One of "the greatest modern female jazz dancers"** will teach a witty and elegant Charleston routine. Inter/adv students welcome.
** – Quote attributed to jazz dance historian Robert White, 2009.
Dec. 8 and Dec. 15 – How to Make Jam Your Jam Cellar instructors will go boot camp style and show you how to jam, dance in front of your friends, reach unheard of levels of confidence, and then drill, drill, drill it by having lots of jams in class. Students in this class will then be prepared to put the Jam back in Jam Cellar.
Dec. 22 – Holiday Party with Your Sketchy Uncle Jerry! Sketchy Uncle Jerry, who was always the greatest part of your Christmas growing up, despite his description of his rashes and the embarrassment he caused your parents by drunkenly heckling the Christmas Eve service, is throwing a party at the Jam Cellar! He'll be playing some of his favorite swing clips and talking about them. You are welcome to bring snacks and drinks (even beer/wine!) Just don't bring eggnog, as we all remember that Christmas when Uncle Jerry was given eggnog. It's been years, and we still haven't gotten the smell out of the sofa.
The Complete BIG APPLE Crash Class! DEC. 13
Bobby White has a passion for the Big Apple and classic solo jazz. On a special class happening Sunday afternoon, Dec. 13, He'll teach a two hour crash course on Frankie Manning's incredible solo dance choreography, the Big Apple, first seen in the film Keep Punchin'. He'll get started and go through the whole thing, planning on being done around the two hour mark. He'll even go through many special variations of the classic jazz steps. This routine is a great jazz and choreography vocabulary builder. Location and time, TBA. Price is $20 per student. If you plan on attending, email him (robertwhiteiii @ gmail.com, you will have to reformat for your email) or sign up at the Jam Cellar.
Inter/ Adv Lindy Hop Boot Camp! DEC. 19
This is a special 2-hour intense experience that intermediate and advanced Lindy Hoppers have never had before. Run by fancy world traveling swing dance instructors Bobby and Kate, we'll play rhythm games, we'll show you how to critique your own dancing, and talk about the heart of great dancing, things that are rarely done in classes. We'll do drills of all sorts; speed drills, creative drills, aerial drills. We'll show you how to be a better solo dancer, and how to work in a team. We'll show you how to practice on your own, and with a partner. Our goal is to basically make you improve so much during a two-hour group practice session, that you won't be able to wipe the smile form your next partner's face. Location and time, TBA. Price is $20 per student. Students should be very comfortable with swing outs, six-count patterns, and Charleston patterns. They should be comfortable dancing to 180 BPM and higher, and should be interested in learning technique. We will NOT be covering swing-out technique. If you plan on attending, email him (robertwhiteiii @ gmail.com, you will have to reformat for your email) or sign up at the Jam Cellar.
Letter to Jam Cellar:
Hey Guys, we've noticed that there's a crap load of powder all over the stairs and carpets on Wednesday morning. You guys putting powder down?
–Josephine Butler Center Person
Letter to JBCP
Yeah, we noticed that too. WE cleaned up, though, we thought. We'll make sure none of us are using powder.
Love,
The Jam Cellar
Letter to Jam Cellar
Hey Guys, there's a crap load more powder all over the stairs and carpets this week. Did you find out who it was putting powder down?
–Josephnie Butler Center Person
Letter to JBCP
We sent out a message and asked people not to put powder down, but no one seems to know anything about it. It doesn't even look like dance powder. Looks dusty. Possibly not even us. We beat up one patron randomly just to show we weren't afraid to rough people up. A lawsuit is pending, but hopefully the jerk/jerkette who did it will be dissuaded from doing it next week. Also, we cleaned it all up, so you should have no problems next week.
Yours Truly,
The Jam Cellar
Letter to Jam Cellar
Hey Guys! The floor. Covered in powder. Please stop. And vacuum and mop up after your dance.
–JBCP
Letter to JBPC
Hey, we still haven't solved the mystery of the dust; it's only been like this recently, and we can't find out its source anywhere. We keep mentioning it, but no one has responded. We called Detective Hornspout Shackerty, Esq., Baker St., London. He was able to solve a murder that took place in the house in the 1910s, and found the body of a dead Nazi officer in the bathtub downstairs, but has yet been unable to solve the mystery of the powder. He seems depressed, and is not eating. We also stayed here till 1 o'clock vacuuming and mopping the floor last time. We will maybe try writing a letter.
Also, please buy a better vacuum.
XOXXXXXX,
The Jam Cellar
Letter from Detective Hornspout Shackerty, Esq. Baker St, London, to Dr. Gregory Wilson,
My dearest Wilson,
Old Friend, I am at an impasse. The great monument of my intellect seems to have fallen to destruction by one simple blow from a rogue pebble. The case of the Ghost Powder has not been solved, though I do believe I have discovered several answers to previously unsolved cases. I have also discovered a fiendish plot to kidnap the Earl of Worchester and ransom him to Monkey traders in Africa for his rare collection of albino orangutans. It was elementary; a flyer for the National Zoo reminded me of the Earl's zoological hobbies and simple motives and mathematics were the rest. But, alas, I cannot discover the simple source of a mysterious powder that coats the floor of the mansion. It's not opium, cocaine, or any other mind altering drug I have known. I suspected construction dust, but anyone who's driven on the roads around the place knows there has been no construction in months. I meant to speak to the housekeeper, but they have none. Nor a maid or a butler. I basically have no one to interview, and without my instruments, I cannot discover what this dust is made from. Next I will stake out the place before and after the dance, a last ditch hope to come up with something! Perhaps my time is done, Dr. Wilson. Perhaps the great light has finally gone out!
Etc.
Horns. Shack.
From Chahonta Naokinp to an unidentified comrad (translated from the Congonese)
Brother!
We have been found out! It was none other than that damnable Hornspout Shackerty! Hide the monkies!
–Chahonta Naokinp
From Unknown Comrad to Chahonta Naokinp
Comrad!
Fear not; I foresaw this problem. Right after you left to begin the kidnap plans, I moved all our monkies to a place I couldn't imagine Hornspout Shackerty ever looking. To keep him from being able to deduce where I was, I chose a random spot on a random map, and shipped myself and all the monkies there (Washington, D.C.). I then found an old mansion run by the parks service that is hardly every visited by people. I keep the monkeys gagged in the attic, and thought it is incredibly dusty, they seem to be fine. Every Tuesday night around 2 o'clock in the morning I let them run around down stairs to get some exercise. I was afraid they would get caught one night when a cop walked by, but he only saw their shadows and thought they were just swing dancers swinging from the banisters. So, relax, everything is fine. We're completely safe from that washed up detective.
–Unknown Comrad.
Letter from Jam Cellar to Jam Cellar Patrons,
Please, please, please, if there is any chance that you are knowingly or unknowingly bringing dust, dance powder, or piles of dirt into the Jam Cellar –even if you have recently danced on a floor that has dance powder on it-please cease to do so and check your shoes. The Josephine Butler Parks Center has been extremely kind to us since we moved in, and we'd like to continue fostering a great friendship with them so we can continue to offer you such a great place to dance.
All Our Love,
The Jam Cellar.